So haven’t been here for a while..well I started another blog but haven’t been there either.
I’m wide awake and my brain has decided I shouldn’t be allowed to sleep but I must think instead.
It’s getting so close to the end of the year and I haven’t kept to anything I promised I would at the beginning of it.
I have a sense of déjà vu because I’m quite sure I thought this at the end of last year.
Today I was stood at the till at work with a sense of the world passing me by and I’m not quite catching up with it..
(forgive my rambling)
So I won’t post anything here till 1st of January 2015 (unless something wonderful happens between now and then) and I promise it will be a list of what I will absolutely achieve next year…
So anyway that’s my plan.
Thinking…This doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere at all.
Doing…I should be doing instead…
I haven’t been on here for a while because to be honest I want sure what to use it for, or if I had anything interesting to say that anyone would want to hear…
But tonight someone said to me “you’re very arty and creative aren’t you”
I’m not sure I am but they had no idea how much it meant to me.
To think I’m good at something means a lot.
I didn’t do very well in my GCSE’s and didn’t do college or A Levels at all, job tests at school put me as cleaner and not much else, so I’ve never expected that I would amount to anything.
But suddenly I have a boost of confidence out of no where. If I could make a career out of something I love I must at least try…
Another blog post…really am getting quite addicted to this.
So…it’s that time again and I have London in my sights…
On the ever growing list so far is..
The V&A..such a must I feel we will get along very well.
(Natural History Museum and Science Museum too)
National Portrait Gallery for Virginia Woolf exhibition.
And Borough Market for lunch..
This will be added and added to
until I suddenly remember “oh yes I’ve only got a day” and things have to be discreetly removed from the list and planned for another trip..
I loved London from afar for many years, the history, the people, the writers, artists and poets of London..
And now whenever I’m there I love London even more..
I especially love taking pictures of London…
The planning stage, booking tickets and finally the train journey I look forward too very much…so London I shall see you very soon…save me some cake and put the kettle on.
Just recently I’m getting to sleep a lot later i think partly due to the recent heat and my body clock not quite getting along with it.
The one thing about not getting to sleep till late is I find myself doing a lot of thinking…about life and love and wondering if the two will ever combine or is a Miss Havisham existence beckons but with more cats…
Life’s little worries seem to hardly matter when the world is so sad and lost at the moment, when people, children are dying so needlessly.
Tell that person how you feel, how happy they make you, as the Beatles said “All You Need Is Love”…
Anyway I’ve rambled but it’s just how I was feeling…
I should be more spontaneous….
Waking one morning catching the bus to the train station and picking somewhere randomly off the board, spending the day in a place I don’t know..exploring.
That sort of thing..
I spend far too much of my life planning exactly what will happen next, knowing where I have to be and at what time every week without fail.
But maybe the not knowing would be much more exciting and perhaps life changing.
Walk down a different street one day and that decision could change my life..
Years ago at school I thought my life would be many things by now but to be honest it hasn’t lived up to expectations.
So I need to make changes and find the Clare that I wanted to be…
It’s 4:03 am I should be sleeping but it’s so hot, my neighbours dogs are howling and a local fox is making their presence felt too..such a eerie sound.
So I’m here instead trying to think what to write but just rambling.
I’m waiting for a storm, a storm that will hopefully cool everything down but instead the weather has turned silent in Nottinghamshire and we swelter instead.
I long for Autumn, for the sound of leaves crunching under my feet, wrapping up in scarves and hands round a steaming mug of hot wonderful tea.
My whole life I’ve found colder weather much easier to cope with, I’m aware I sound slightly grumpy about having lovely weather but oh goodness it’s hot!!
So I think I shall try to sleep or read, my current read is the excellent The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton. (very good)
I shall endeavour to enjoy the warm weather whilst secretly getting my winter clothes ready…
Just as I finished writing this it began to rain…
I love books…I love old books…I love new books and most especially I love Vintage Penguin books.
I have a little collection which is slowly but oh so surely being added to..
They fascinate me so, I want to know what lives they have lead before they came to the secondhand bookshop where I found them.
Who so very lovingly cared for them..
For instance..who wrote a Rudyard Kipling poem in the back of a 1972 copy of Northanger Abbey.
A part of me wants to tell them “your books are safe and cared for” the books you loved, the books you brought for a few shillings or were given from a much loved relative, are much loved.
I want to talk to B. C. Howe from Louth who in 1946 shared my love of H.G.Wells, Owning both my copies of Kipps and The History of Mr Polly.
Frequent trips to the wonderful Harlequin Books in Lincoln mean my collection will always be added too and I shall always wonder just who loved them before and think of them as I read.